Well, at least when it comes to writing and wanting to write and never finding time to write (she’s better at that last one than I am). I think the majority of posts on this blog have been of the “Sorry I don’t update!’ variety, but that’s okay. I will try to do better.
I’m 31 weeks pregnant now! HOLY MOLY. That means, if you recall that there are 40 weeks in pregnancy, that I am just 9 (yes, you read that right, NINE) short weeks away from my due date. It’s amazing how fast everything has gone. And you know, my belly is just huge. That’s pretty crazy too.
I’ve been thinking about how my mind feels like it’s getting stagnant. I miss being in school because I was pretty much forced to be intellectual. If I want to be “smart” now, I have to make myself do it. So, basically, I want to kick myself in the butt and push myself and really keep expanding my mind. Or something like that.
So in this whole journey of the mind, I’ve pretty much decided that I want to be writing. But, as I said in my Facebook “25 Random Things About Me” note, I just don’t know what to write! I know all sorts of things, I suppose, but I don’t want to just write something cause I know it. I mean, I could write faith things, or theater things, or a memoir. I could just write in this blog (that probably wouldn’t be a bad idea, actually). I guess part of my “fear” of starting a project is my habitual procrastination/laziness/forgetfulness combined with a feeling that I’m just not qualified. It’s like, Mom can write about being a mom cause she’s been doing it for 23 years. I, on the other hand, am a mom, yes, but I have yet to hold my child in my arms, our umbilical connection is the basis for my mom-hood. So I guess I feel that any of my thoughts on motherhood would be looked down on because I don’t have enough “experience”. Same goes for pretty much any other topic, except perhaps “evangelization through going on message boards and convincing no one of anything I believe in”. I’ve spent a good 6 1/2 years doing that. That’s “experience”, right?
I guess I just want to do something great, fantastic, phantasmagorical to the average person. I want to leave a mark, tell my story, tell any story. I don’t know where to start, and I suppose I should just pick something and start writing it. But there’s fear and procrastination. And those two things are much more familiar to me and it’s much easier to stay in that comfort zone.
So for now, I suppose I should just start writing about things in this blog. Maybe that will spark some ideas.