Today is Wednesday of Holy week, also known as “Holy Wednesday” (makes sense) or “Spy Wednesday”. WAIT! Spies?! Like in Get Smart? Or any number of other movies and tv shows of which I can not think of a single one?! Well, sort of. It’s named for Judas (jerk) because tradition teaches that today is the day that he went to the bad guys and asked what they’d be willing to give for Jesus (30 pieces of silver, which could have been anywhere from 25 bucks, not such a great deal, or 250,000 smackaroos, which would have been a better deal if Judas were playing “Deal or No Deal” instead of gambling away GOD”S LIFE. Good one Judas).
So today is a day to meditate upon our involvement in betraying Christ. Yes, we are part of that. He wasn’t just betrayed by his good buddy Judas Iscariot. He was betrayed by EVERY SINGLE HUMAN EVER. Every time we sin, every time we fail to do good, every time we deny that we know Christ by word or action, we are betraying Him. So think on that happy thought (yes, happy, because it’s because of our betrayals that we got a savior. Now that is a good deal!).
In other news I have a bit of a prayer request. So far, I’ve been having a pretty good Lent. As I told some women on Monday night, I felt like I really had grown closer to the Lord. I spoke too soon.
Honestly, doesn’t it seem that the minute you take one step closer to the Lord, the devil takes you two steps back? I suffer from mild to moderate depression (triggered by hormones) and of COURSE this is the week for it to kick in. I’ve become ridiculously lazy and it took all my will power to get to mass yesterday morning (10 minutes late, but I did make it). Heck, I’ll tell you the whole story on that one cause it illustrates my point pretty perfectly.
Chris and I are usually scatterbrained in the morning, but yesterday we managed to have all our bags and Grace by the door before we headed out. We grab everything and get out. Chris had to work at 8 and I was babysitting at 9:30 so I figured I’d go to 8:30 mass (it’s in the perfect time slot). Well, we thought we grabbed everything. And besides Grace and Chris’s bag that has his work stuff in it, we would have been fine forgetting anything else since I could have gone back to get it after mass. Well, we remembered Grace, but Chris forgot his bag. So I had to go back, bring it right back to his work and then go to mass. Well, it was 8:30 when I got back to his work. Yes, you could say it was “accidental” or a “coincidence” or some other such nonsense, but I maintain that the Devil didn’t want me going to church, therefore he hid Chris’s bag so we would forget it.
So yeah, in general I’m just not doing to great this week. I was looking forward to it so much and now it’s kinda lame… and yeah. I know that this might also be a way for me to grow in virtue, but it’s getting a little grating. I can’t really pray well when I’m exhausted cause Grace wouldn’t go to sleep. I can’t focus on Jesus when my cross is so heavy. I’m sure there’s some wise thing that I could say, but well, it’s escaping me due to the heavy weight I’m carrying in my soul.