I am NOT a superstitious person. I’m actually fairly cynical, considering I’m a mostly optimistic person, who believes the best of people and generally assigns positive intent unless proven otherwise. When it comes to things like ghosts, or miracles, or whatever supernatural things there are, I usually subscribe to the belief of “Most things are explained by science and/or common sense”.
This is especially true when I hear people saying things like “The devil is attacking me! My cookies didn’t turn out right for the church bake sale, so the devil must not want us to make any money!” This was always just silly to me. The devil isn’t going to spend his time orchestrating silly things, especially when people get all in a dither over it.
And now, I’m starting to change my mind a bit.
Here’s the time line of events.
November 5- my mom mentions she is going to do the Marian consecration on December 8 and is starting today. I ask Joey to pick me up one of the free “33 Days to Morning Glory” pamphlets so I can do this. I’ve tried to do the St Louis de Montfort one, but always gave up after a couple days. He drops it off that night and I get started.
November 9- I was in charge of the talk at ROCK (high school youth group I help with). We’re doing the Teen Timeline Revelation series, and the main subject was the war between the Devil and Mary and all that fun stuff. Our question to think about was “Do you see the war going on in your life?”
I also think this was the day I forgot to do the reading for the day. This is my normal routine for a novena…day 3 or 4 I forget, then remember the next day and just say “forget it”. BUT here’s the catch. I didn’t give up. I just did two readings the next day, and haven’t forgotten since.
November 11, I started venting to my friends about how bad the kids sleep was getting. Just absolutely AWFUL.
November 13, vented to friends again. Chris and i were both just at the ends of our ropes.
November 15, I spent the night crying, kids were up every half hour, and at that point where you are exhausted and it’s 3am, I just kept thinking “God doesn’t love me.. if he loved me, he’d make the kids sleep so that I can function and be a good mother” (sleep is VERY precious to me, in that if I don’t get 9 hours, I am a monster, have no patience and generally can’t function).
Throughout these same days, I was also just feeling awful… anxious, depressed, getting down on myself about being a terrible mother, housewife, etc. I was also experiencing the most WACKY health issues. My first ever sinus infection (which still hasn’t totally cleared up despite finishing antibiotics). My cycle was a total mess, which means no intimacy, thank you NFP. I was just feeling under attack in every facet of life.
On November 16, again the kids were being awful. But I had the thought: wait. I’m in the middle of consecrating myself to Mary, who is the main enemy of the Devil. So, is it a normal thing to be attacked while doing the consecration? I asked some friends, and yes, while it’s not a universal experience, it has happened to others. we tried something that could be labeled “superstitious” at that point… we put rosaries in the kids beds. Grace had already been sleeping with one (or more) because she likes to pray it before falling asleep. But we hung some on the other two’s beds. AND LO AND BEHOLD: they SLEPT. It was a miracle. Chris was sleeping in his BED not on the couch! We were getting rest! It was amazing! I also prayed to Mary to protect them, and to help us all get the rest we needed.
At this point, we’ve got a couple wake ups and resettlings before we go to bed. Jude sometimes wakes up around 3am and ends up sleeping on the floor in our room (which prevents Chris from having to sleep on the couch with him). Evie is sleeping through the night! It’s just… it’s amazing how putting those on there is helping.
Anyway, I realized that the Devil DOES care about those little things. It’s all those little things that pile up and make us doubt that God loves us, that there’s no point in anything, that really, he’s AGAINST us. Because what God would want a mother to be angry and doubting herself? This isn’t to say that all these things are the Devil poking children awake or something, or that somehow God doesn’t control it, or wills it. He permits it, because, hey, look what happened. I’m stronger because of it.
I’m also not saying that every bad thing in the world is due to the Devil. Humans screw up plenty, and the Devil lets us and rejoices when we do, cause it makes his job infinitely easier.
So I’m continuing on with the consecration, and hopefully we’ll see it come to fruition on December 8th, my favorite Marian feast day, the Immaculate Conception (also my dad’s birthday, lol).