In many many ways, I never thought this day would come. I thought I’d be a homeschool mom forever. I thought even IF I sent the kids to school, they’d never go to St Sebastian. But here we are… 1pm, August 24, 2017, and my kids are at school.
And honestly, it’s a God thing.
Tuesday morning (a whopping two days ago) was terrible. No one was listening, I was discouraged and really, it was par for the course for us. This school year has been SO back and forth, with a few great days, mostly mediocre days, and a lot of terrible days. My wonderful sister told me to go to adoration, which is at St Sebastian on Tuesdays. So even though it almost felt like a reward to take the kids out of the house, I packed up my journal, their religion books, and we headed out.
And really, it was a good trip. They were quiet, well behaved, and doing what I told them to do. But I was sitting there in the quiet. And in the quiet is when the Lord speaks (as I was telling Jude and Evie when they got a bit loud).
He told me to send the kids to school. And so I got home, cried, and asked Chris to call the school and see about setting up a meeting. He got it scheduled for the next day. We went, talked to Sister Geraldine…. and she said they could start right away with Thursday morning. So we went home, rushed around assembling school supplies that we had, I took Grace to get shoes and socks, and a few other supplies…. and wham, bam, alakazam… they walked in to that school today and the reports so far are that all is well!
I’m a bit of a different story…. a bit more of a mess emotionally. Maggie and I don’t quite know what to do with ourselves yet. And I’m still reflecting and reeling from this and learning quite a bit about my self.
I wasn’t really homeschooling for the right reasons anymore, i don’t think. I’m good at teaching the littles, and I was good at teaching with not a ton of distractions. But I couldn’t take care of the house AND teach, and there’s only so many hours Chris could do things, and everything felt like it was falling apart. We were all so overwhelmed and overstimulated and NOTHING was truly getting accomplished. And worst of all, it was getting harder and harder to pray.
But there was pride and fear getting in the way. Fear that my kids will get bullied (like I was when I went to school). Fear that they’ll be behind. Fear that they won’t behave. Fear that I can’t do this. Pride about wanting to seem like the perfect mom. Pride about wanting to seem like I can get it all done.
But I know this is the right decision. How? Because when I said to God “You want this, you make it happen” he did… and quickly. When you follow his plan, it falls in to place. And when I went to mass this morning and when I came home… even though I’m emotional, I also feel SO at peace. I don’t feel overwhelmed. His burden is easy and his yoke is light!